I got it. The hug, I mean. :) and a lot more *wink* *wink*.
The day was beautiful.. absolutely amazing. :) I went out for the whole day with the boy. We had the absolutely amazing time together.
Drove out of the city. Ate good food. went for a walk in the feilds. YUP! :D went in the fields just like those bollywood movie moments. :)
Absolutely wonderfully fantastic day, I had. All thanks to the boy. :)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
To cut a long story short.
Here's my life. my dilemma. summarised in a few words.
You already the know about the-ex. We broke up, erm I decided to break up owing to the dead albatross relationship i had with him.
I met the-boy at work. We hit it off. Really really well. We absolutely loved each others' company. Cracked jokes. Were in the same profession. Loved the same things. Well you know about that too!
We dreamt of getting married. of going to europe to work. of having kids together. Then it changed. I was not sure. Maybe I still couldnt forget the-ex. He was still there.Between us. Not at all the times. But yes, he had a presense and it showed. :(
The - ex went away to work. some other country. We wouldn't talk for days at end. i.e. if i wouldn't call, he wouldn't either. Of course, he was always busy. maybe too busy for me. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to be a door mat anymore. I thought to call it quits. He thought that this is yet again one of my threats. which I never would carry out. he was sadly mistaken. This time round. *sigh*
He came to know of my dating the-boy. he went ballistic. He went mad with rage and grief (or so he claimed).
He vowed to bring back the magic. To get me back. proclaiming that I am his. and that I couldn't be with anyone else.
I being the fool that I am, believed him. If only for a moment. But it was enough. For him to sweep me off my feet only to drop me, yet again.
The - ex went away to work. some other country. We wouldn't talk for days at end. i.e. if i wouldn't call, he wouldn't either. Of course, he was always busy. maybe too busy for me. But I didn't want that. I didn't want to be a door mat anymore. I thought to call it quits. He thought that this is yet again one of my threats. which I never would carry out. he was sadly mistaken. This time round. *sigh*
He came to know of my dating the-boy. he went ballistic. He went mad with rage and grief (or so he claimed).
He vowed to bring back the magic. To get me back. proclaiming that I am his. and that I couldn't be with anyone else.
I being the fool that I am, believed him. If only for a moment. But it was enough. For him to sweep me off my feet only to drop me, yet again.
December 30, 2008
I want a hug!
The need for it is realised only when you don't get one!
I so so so want one.
It's been a month now that i have not gotten one ! Imagine a whole goddamned month!
When not half a day went by without one!!!
December 30, 2008
Here's a conversation with the guy who hopes to marry me! Who I once thought was worth my whole life and more! Is it just a bad day.. or is he a no-goer?
11:14 AM
me: hello mister
the-ex: hi
11:15 AM
me: howdy?
the-ex: gud u?
11:16 AM
me: cold :D
the-ex: oh oke
me: ok bye
11:18 AM
the-ex: y?
me: because you never talk to me
the-ex: ofcourse i do jus keeping busy these days
11:19 AM
me: ok then. ok bye then
the-ex: can u nt talk properly its just a Q?
11:20 AM
me: i can but you dont talk to me
the-ex: ofcourse i do
11:21 AM
me: no you don't
11:22 AM
me: you never initiate you dont even reply
the-ex: i always do
me: not even a single sentence saying that you are busy
11:23 AM
the-ex: what do i do when i am not on my desk
me: reply when you return, maybe?!
11:24 AM
the-ex: its just 9:55 am and sorry to say but i am not in a mood 2 spoil my mood therefore will catch u later
11:29 AM
me: then i think it is better that you never talk to me. if for you one morning's mood is more important than my state of mind since past one month.
And I logged out.
11:14 AM
me: hello mister
the-ex: hi
11:15 AM
me: howdy?
the-ex: gud u?
11:16 AM
me: cold :D
the-ex: oh oke
me: ok bye
11:18 AM
the-ex: y?
me: because you never talk to me
the-ex: ofcourse i do jus keeping busy these days
11:19 AM
me: ok then. ok bye then
the-ex: can u nt talk properly its just a Q?
11:20 AM
me: i can but you dont talk to me
the-ex: ofcourse i do
11:21 AM
me: no you don't
11:22 AM
me: you never initiate you dont even reply
the-ex: i always do
me: not even a single sentence saying that you are busy
11:23 AM
the-ex: what do i do when i am not on my desk
me: reply when you return, maybe?!
11:24 AM
the-ex: its just 9:55 am and sorry to say but i am not in a mood 2 spoil my mood therefore will catch u later
11:29 AM
me: then i think it is better that you never talk to me. if for you one morning's mood is more important than my state of mind since past one month.
And I logged out.
Friday, December 26, 2008
December 26, 2008
2.46 pm
Hi!
Was going through my earlier posts.. and realised that i am seriously in the habit of using 'more about it later' ! :P :D maybe it is because there are so many things needing to be penned down erm.. typed out!
What a pity that the mind's faster than my hands. and that the clock's hands are faster than mine too! lol! bad one i know.. but, kabhi kabhi can't help it. :D
more later. LOL!
Hi!
Was going through my earlier posts.. and realised that i am seriously in the habit of using 'more about it later' ! :P :D maybe it is because there are so many things needing to be penned down erm.. typed out!
What a pity that the mind's faster than my hands. and that the clock's hands are faster than mine too! lol! bad one i know.. but, kabhi kabhi can't help it. :D
more later. LOL!
3.14 pm
I have also marked my blog as 'having adult content'! though the only such content it has right now is.. well.. umm.. :P i thought that maybe ..just maybe if in the need of, i might need to put down my secrets of secrets too ! and i don't want the kiddos being subjected to censor-worthy matter! lol!not that i have a life that's been even half so exciting as it sounds.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Love
Love. what is it? I feel, love is acceptance. acceptance of each other of the shortcomings and the quirks. of the highest order. that is what love is.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It was not easy
I am a wierd person. one who doesn't know what she wants. one who cannot decide for herself. one who is very easily swayed by emotions. by what she is feeling then. the past and more importantly the future doesn't matter. only right now right here matters. *sigh*
This creates problems. big ones.
I fell in love with him (will call him the-ex here on). *sigh* Gives you the idea. Right?
Was only 18 then. Though even then i was quite headstrong and surprisingly knew exactly what i wanted. and who did i want it with.
Things were beautiful things were great. we had different personalities but my love for him was so much, it so didn't make a difference. but then, as very usual and expected, things changed. he moved to a different college for masters. and the distance grew. but what love is if it wanes away with distance?! and what distance is when you are both in the same city?!
there are reasons innumerable. some i understand. some i dont. more on them later.
still we kept dragging. maybe i did. in the hope that it'll get better one day. matbe one day we'd get back what we had lost. then he moved to another country.
and i gathered courage to end it. to be able to accept that we weren't happening anymore. after being with(?!) him for four years and a half, believe you me, it was not easy.
This creates problems. big ones.
I fell in love with him (will call him the-ex here on). *sigh* Gives you the idea. Right?
Was only 18 then. Though even then i was quite headstrong and surprisingly knew exactly what i wanted. and who did i want it with.
Things were beautiful things were great. we had different personalities but my love for him was so much, it so didn't make a difference. but then, as very usual and expected, things changed. he moved to a different college for masters. and the distance grew. but what love is if it wanes away with distance?! and what distance is when you are both in the same city?!
there are reasons innumerable. some i understand. some i dont. more on them later.
still we kept dragging. maybe i did. in the hope that it'll get better one day. matbe one day we'd get back what we had lost. then he moved to another country.
and i gathered courage to end it. to be able to accept that we weren't happening anymore. after being with(?!) him for four years and a half, believe you me, it was not easy.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
December 16, 2008
Sucha lovely winter morning! :)
Though it would've been wonderful to share this with him but it in retrospect, it is not so bad to be able to enjoy it alone! :)
I guess, it is this constant need for space that actually smothers you in a relationship and makes you want out of it. Once you do have the 'space' you want your better half back! and, this, my dear is the trick of the trade! :P :D And we all need to learn it! :D ;)
Though it would've been wonderful to share this with him but it in retrospect, it is not so bad to be able to enjoy it alone! :)
I guess, it is this constant need for space that actually smothers you in a relationship and makes you want out of it. Once you do have the 'space' you want your better half back! and, this, my dear is the trick of the trade! :P :D And we all need to learn it! :D ;)
Monday, December 15, 2008
December 14, 2008
I was sitting and enjoying the music. I knew I'd find him there.How, I don't know. Neither did I know where I'd find him. Nor did I know how I knew i would.
Lovely strings. Beautiful words. Enchanting melodies. And lo and behold! The-boy came and sat right next to me. He didn't know I was there. I didn't know he had come. he just came and sat. :)
Lovely strings. Beautiful words. Enchanting melodies. And lo and behold! The-boy came and sat right next to me. He didn't know I was there. I didn't know he had come. he just came and sat. :)
December 15, 2008
I've not met the boy for a whole week now. Met as in met. Seen him yesterday. but that was only amongst 450 other people most of who don't and are not supposed to know that we're dating. dating?! well more about our dating scenario later.
Also it just slipped my mind. i saw him for half an hour on tuesday. but most of my time then was lost in trying to find a washroom. and then trying to find an auto. to return. Yup. we've stopped returning home together. as in we've stopped the habit of him dropping me and then returning to his place. and hence need to be in the auto latest by 9. or 9.30 if i can stretch. though things on days have been so bad that i've taken one even at 10.45. And he's let me. sigh. though was it not i who wanted this myself? this state of dispassion? this space?
Also it just slipped my mind. i saw him for half an hour on tuesday. but most of my time then was lost in trying to find a washroom. and then trying to find an auto. to return. Yup. we've stopped returning home together. as in we've stopped the habit of him dropping me and then returning to his place. and hence need to be in the auto latest by 9. or 9.30 if i can stretch. though things on days have been so bad that i've taken one even at 10.45. And he's let me. sigh. though was it not i who wanted this myself? this state of dispassion? this space?
Friday, December 12, 2008
What is better?
What is better?
Being with some one you love to bits. This someone who is totally your opposite. Your interests don't match.
You love mornings. he loves the night.
Your day doesn't end until you've read. He doesn't last beyond a page.
You like museums. He thrives on pubs.
You like to walk. To talk. Hand in hand. Forever. He'd rather watch television. Together.
more like this. Could go on.
But you love him to bits. These things didn't matter until you broke up. Because it was only then that you saw them! :)
Or
Being with someone who fits to T to the description of the man of your dreams.
you meet at 8. for a date. enjoy the mild sun and the dew.
You read to each other. With each other.
You've runout of your list of museums and art galleries to go to.
You go for walks. And the talks. Hand in hand. Forever.
But, You don't love him.
You like him. Adore if it is what it is. Feel the hots for him. but love? you don't think you do. Or do you?
So, what is better? For you and for him. So how is it supposed to be?
Being with some one you love to bits. This someone who is totally your opposite. Your interests don't match.
You love mornings. he loves the night.
Your day doesn't end until you've read. He doesn't last beyond a page.
You like museums. He thrives on pubs.
You like to walk. To talk. Hand in hand. Forever. He'd rather watch television. Together.
more like this. Could go on.
But you love him to bits. These things didn't matter until you broke up. Because it was only then that you saw them! :)
Or
Being with someone who fits to T to the description of the man of your dreams.
you meet at 8. for a date. enjoy the mild sun and the dew.
You read to each other. With each other.
You've runout of your list of museums and art galleries to go to.
You go for walks. And the talks. Hand in hand. Forever.
But, You don't love him.
You like him. Adore if it is what it is. Feel the hots for him. but love? you don't think you do. Or do you?
So, what is better? For you and for him. So how is it supposed to be?
lost
i am lost. completely. and thoroughly.
this blog is just an attempt at trying to find myself. of trying to find some semblance of order into my otherwise chaotic existance.
this blog is just an attempt at trying to find myself. of trying to find some semblance of order into my otherwise chaotic existance.
the first one.
i am. i dont know who.
i can be you. you can be me.
i am. i dont know who.
i am the wind. i am the sky.
i am the one who's wondering who am i.
am i the one in pink
yes! the one who just winked ;)
i am. i dont know who.
the love in you. and the hope.
the tears of joy the wantings to mope
i am. i dont know who.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)